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 CONTENTS :    

            * Thought For The Time: 

            * Why  Yoga is So Popular  in Present  Age ?

            * What YOGA IS ACTUALLY ?

            * How Yoga is Different from other  Fitness Exercises ?

            * RELEVANCE OF YOGA IN TODAY'S WORLD:Views of 6 eminent Yoga Teachers

            * Yoga Science of Soul !

            * Yoga News

            * Yoga is not a Joke(Jkoke Column)!!

 THOUGHTS FOR THE TIME:

*“Delight is the secret. Learn of pure delight and thou shalt learn of God ...

                                                                                                     -  Sri Aurobindo

*The sole object of life is the attainment of Self-realisation or Absolute Freedom. Devote every minute of your life for this grand attainment.
                                                                                                                                                                                                      - Sri Swami Sivananda

* "It is your duty to express God to the utmost of your power, and you have no right to 

 relinquish  efforts until  you have     accomplished this."

                            *"Mindfulness is remembering to come back to the present moment."

                            * The light of the spirit is invisible, concealed in all beings.  It is seen by the seers of the subtle, when their vision is keen and clear."

                           **   I see people who talk about religion constantly quarreling with one another. Hindus, Mussulmans [Muslims], Brahmos,

                                 Shaktas, Vaishnavas, Shaivas all quarrel with one another. They haven't the intelligence to understand that He who is

                                 called Krishna is also Shiva and the Primal Shakti, and that it is He, again, who is called Jesus and Allah. 

                                 "There is only one Rama/God, and He has a thousand names."

                                                                                                           -Ramakrishna

                           ****"We are told that talent creates its own opportunities. 

                                   But it sometimes seems that intense desire{effort} creates not only its own  opportunities, but its own talents."~ Eric Hoffer

                           ******     

Why  Yoga is So Popular  in Present  Age ?

  Yoga has following benificial effects that make it so popuar in prent age of health conscious generation: 

1. STRESS RELIEF: Yoga reduces the physical effects of stress on the body. By encouraging

relaxation, yoga helps to lower the levels of the stress hormone cortisol. Related benefits

include lowering blood pressure and heart rate, improving digestion and boosting the

immune system as well as easing symptoms of conditions such as anxiety, depression,

fatigue, asthma and insomnia.

2. PAIN RELIEF: Yoga can ease pain. Studies have demonstrated that practicing yoga

asanas (postures), meditation or a combination of the two, reduced pain for people with

conditions such as cancer, multiple sclerosis, auto-immune diseases and hypertension as

well as arthritis, back and neck pain, and other chronic conditions. Some practitioners

report that even emotional pain can be eased through the practice of yoga.

3. BETTER BREATHING: Yoga teaches people to take slower, deeper breaths. This helps to

improve lung function, trigger the body’s relaxation response and increase the amount of

oxygen available to the body.

4. FLEXIBILITY: Yoga helps to improve flexibility and mobility, increasing range of movement

and reducing aches and pains. Many people can’t touch their toes during their first yoga

class. Gradually they begin to use the correct muscles. Over time, the ligaments, tendons

and muscles lengthen, increasing elasticity, making more poses possible. Yoga also helps to

improve body alignment resulting in better posture and helping to relieve back, neck, joint

and muscle problems.

5. INCREASED STRENGTH: Yoga asanas (postures) use every muscle in the body, helping to

increase strength literally from head to toe. And, while these postures strengthen the body,

they also provide an additional benefit of helping to relieve muscular tension.

6. WEIGHT MANAGEMENT: Yoga (even less vigorous styles) can aid weight control efforts by

reducing the cortisol levels as well as by burning excess calories and reducing stress. Yoga

also encourages healthy eating habits and provides a heightened sense of well being and

self esteem.

7. IMPROVED CIRCULATION: Yoga helps to improve circulation and, as a result of various

poses, more efficiently moves oxygenated blood to the body’s cells.

8. CARDIOVASCULAR CONDITIONING: Even gentle yoga practice can provide cardiovascular

benefits by lowering resting heart rate, increasing endurance and improving

oxygen uptake during exercise.

9. FOCUS ON THE PRESENT: Yoga helps us to focus on the present, to become more aware

and to help create mind body health. It opens the way to improved concentration, coordination,

reaction time and memory.

10. INNER PEACE: The meditative aspects of yoga help many to reach a deeper, more

spiritual and more satisfying place in their lives. Many who begin to practice for other

reasons have reported this to be a key reason that yoga has become an essential part of

their daily lives.

*Regularity in  yoga practice is necessary.  Not only does the
exercise help stimulate blood flow to the brain, yoga breathing and
relaxation techniques can improve your concentration and relieve
stress.
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YOGA  is !   Yoga is a science of the mind. It is an ancient system of exercise that includes thousands of physical and mental exercises designed to strengthen and balance the body, rejuvenate the nervous system, and concentrate the mind. Yoga integrates body and mind so that you can experience your essence: inner peace. Yoga is a superb stress management technology. Today, yoga is widely used for many purposes. International competitive swimming teams use yogic breathing techniques to efficiently fill their lungs with oxygen before they swim. Popular singers and actors use yogic techniques to enhance their physical performance and to combat the fatigue of exhaustive work schedules. Yoga was originally developed as a way to enhance self-knowledge. The practice of yoga integrates body and mind in order to achieve and maintain a higher consciousness. The word yoga, like the English word "yoke," has the same origin in the Sanskrit word yugit, which means to link together. To achieve this linking together, yoga employs a number of very powerful tools: physical practice, various body postures, breathing techniques, mental concentration and meditation. One of the central aspects of yoga is that you yourself should be able to control your life. Control is one of the key words in yoga: control over body, mind, and soul. YOGA  is not a Religion ! No, yoga is not a religion; it is a technology, and a discipline similar to martial arts. Yoga is a both an art and a science. It is a science because the results are known. Yoga exercises have been practiced for over thousands of years by millions of people, so the results of particular exercises and meditation techniques have become predictable. It is an art in the way each individual perfects his/her own yoga practice. YOGA is not Difficult ! Yoga is a holistic technique for physical, mental, and spiritual growth. In yoga, each person progresses at their own pace, and gradually develops the physical flexibility to perform the exercises more perfectly. Every yoga exercise is conducted in a controlled and conscious way. It should not physically hurt to do yoga. Most yoga exercise sets take 20-30 minutes to complete. There are yoga techniques for all moments of the day, from the first breath upon waking up, all through the stress of the day, and through to the time one goes to sleep. It is up to each individual to decide how thoroughly they wish to embrace the yogic lifestyle, and to what extent the tools are used. Yoga is like a box of tools: everyone has such a toolbox, but most people use them only occasionally; whereas some people practice weekly, and others use these tools throughout each daily.  YOGA  comes from! The practice of yoga goes back a very long time. According to some yogic masters, the technology is twenty-five thousand years old. What modern archeology knows about the origin of yoga dates back more than 4,000 years ago, to the fertile Indus Valley. During the archaeological excavations in Mohenjo-Daro artifacts radiocarbon dated back more than 4,000 years were discovered that show men sitting in classic yoga postures. Yoga is also part of Ayurveda, considered to be the world’s oldest traditional medical system, and Ayurveda has at least 5,000 years of dated history. Today, yoga in various forms is practiced regularly by millions of people all over the world. It has become very popular in the West. The news media has helped raise awareness about yoga, and as a result many companies now use yoga as part of their human resources support strategy.  YOGA  is  Scientific ! What are the measurable effects? Much international scientific research has been conducted on the measurable effects of yoga. Some research findings are presented on the following pages. Although yoga practitioners will tell you yoga makes them feel good, scientists are much more interested in the objective and measurable effects. What does medical science say about yoga? Medical research in this area is extensive. Thousands of scientific research papers have been published on yoga and meditation and their measurable effects on body and mind. In the early 20th Century, around 1910, the German doctor and nerve specialist Dr. Johannes H. Schultz conducted much research on yoga and hypnosis. On the basis of that research, he built his own relaxation and meditation system, known today as Autogen Practice. This system is well known within the world of European sports. In the 1930’s, the French cardiologist T. Brosse traveled to India to examine the yoga phenomena. In the 1920’s and 1930’s, much interest was focused on the psychological effects of yoga. The famous Swiss psychologist Carl Jung was interested in Kundalini Yoga as a supplement to his psychological theories. In 1932, Jung gave a series of lectures on Kundalini Yoga in Zurich, published under the title "The Psychology of Kundalini Yoga" by Princeton University Press 1966. The following is a brief summary of just a little of the recent medical scientific research that has been performed on the positive effects of yoga and meditation since the late 1960’s, when serious modern academic and scientific attention first turned to analysis of the effects of yoga and meditation upon a wide range of medical and psychiatric conditions. This work has continued for more than 30 years. The result is that scientific clinical trials have proven that yoga and meditation can have significant positive outcomes in the healing process in almost every medical and psychiatric condition studied to date. The work is by no means complete. Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn, founder and director of the Stress Reduction Clinic of the University of Massachusetts Medical Center, and a pioneer in the field of applying Eastern traditional healing techniques to Western illnesses, has observed that it may take modern science many decades more before all the positive effects of yoga and meditation have been properly documented. Here are some examples of the research being done around the world: In 1973 the Yoga Biomedical Trust conducted a series of studies on 2,700 people that were to practice yoga. They had many diseases: alcoholism, asthma, cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, rheumatism, bad back, insomnia, and other conditions. 70-90% of the participants found that yoga made them healthier. In Arizona, since the mid-1980’s, doctors at the Alzheimer Prevention Foundation worked with Kundalini Yoga as a way of working with patients with Alzheimer’s disease, and they have shown very good results. The American doctor Dharma Singh Khalsa has written a best-selling book on this research, entitled "Brain Longevity" published by Warner Books 1997. As reported by Reuters on March 3, 2000, and widely circulated on television, one of the latest UCLA clinical studies of meditation found that it may help to reduce the thickening of coronary arteries and lessen the risk of both heart attack and stroke, even without any changes in diet or exercise. Yoga has been thoroughly investigated by the scientific world and it consistently shows excellent results. _______________________________________________________________________________

Yoga is Different from other FITNESS WORKOUTS/ Exercises !   What's the difference between a body builder or a fitness freak and a yogi practicing backbends and splits? From a distance, the two would appear to be doing the same thing. But if you looked a bit closer, you might notice that the yogi is breathing more smoothly, slower, and more evenly. You might even observe that while the body-builder  is looking around, smiling at everyone, the yogi's face is relaxed and his or her gaze is focused. While externally the differences between the yogi and the person doing  other exercise may seem slight, the internal differences are significant. Most yoga classes in the West focus exclusively on asana, the physical postures of yoga. While it’s a good thing to stretch and tone, it's an even better thing to stretch and tone while slowing down the breath and incorporating other yogic meditation techniques. One such technique is the use of drishti, focusing the gaze, which helps to quiet the mind. When the gaze is fixed on a single point, the mind is less likely to be distracted by thoughts provided by visual stimuli (the carpet in here is ugly . . . I can’t believe that guy is wearing those pants...). These thoughts distract and pollute the mind, causing it to constantly churn and fluctuate. Yoga is famous for its ability to heal and bring peace of mind. But how does the practice of yoga accomplish this? There are two nervous systems in the human body: sympathetic and parasympathetic. The sympathetic, commonly known as the "fight or flight" system, causes the blood pressure to rise, the breath rate to quicken, and stress hormones to flood into the body. Historically, this occurred to prepare the body for fighting dangerous animals. But in today's world, we experience this response while we are sitting in traffic or feeling stressed at the office. When this system is overly stimulated, we can experience health consequences such as ulcers, migraines, and heart disease. The parasympathetic nervous system lowers blood pressure and slows the pace of the breath. When the blood no longer has to rush to the muscles, it is free to travel to the digestive, reproductive, glandular, and immune systems — systems made up of organs that are more necessary to long-term survival. The body now has time to heal the damage accumulated during our daily battles. Studies have shown that long, deep breathing encourages the actions of the parasympathetic nervous system and allows relaxation and healing to occur. The yogi practices breathing meditations called pranayama, which encourage the actions of the parasympathetic nervous system. So while the yogi and the body-builder both gain strength and flexibility from practicing backbends and splits, the yogi is able to reap additional health rewards from the addition of pranayama. But even more is happening within the yogi. The yogi is working to calm the fluctuations of the mind. Try this little exercise: take a break from reading this article and spend the next five minutes concentrating on the breath and nothing else. You probably discovered that your mind wants to think about everything but the breath. Our minds have a tendency to wander, to disconnect from our bodies, to daydream and fret about the future, to reminisce and stew over the past. Humans have evolved the ability to automatically breathe even while sleeping. While breathing does not require conscious awareness, focusing your attention on your breath will force you to focus on what's happening right now, at this very moment. Focusing on your breath doesn't allow your conscious mind to drift away, but encourages it to stay connected in your body and in the now.  But why shouldn’t we allow ourselves to daydream or reminisce, it seems harmless? Well, frequently when we are reminiscing about the good old times we begin fear to these events won't occur again. The more time we spend in reverie, the less open we are to the good things that are happening right now. Often, even when we are the midst of a good time, we begin to worry about it ending and start plotting to make it happen again. We miss out on embracing the moment fully while it is unfolding. And while having goals in life is a good thing, spending hours daydreaming won’t get you any closer to making your dreams come true. Being lost in fantasy can often lead to disappointment when reality hits. The quality of the breath reflects the quality of the mind. There is a connection between our mental, emotional, and psychological states and the pace and depth of our breath. For example, when we are frightened, we take short, quick, shallow breaths. When we are deeply relaxed or asleep, we take long, deep breaths. While our mental state influences our breathing pattern, we can choose to change our breathing pattern and thereby change our mental state. When you relax and slow the pace of the breath, the pace of the mind is similarly calmed and quieted. Over time, you begin to act and think from a state of peace. The more time you spend in this place, the more likely you are to act with patience, understanding, and compassion. The breath also helps us to stay connected to the present moment. Staying in the now frees us. We can move on from past grievances and sorrows and can view the world as it really is, without false expectations. We learn to accept ourselves and others as we and they currently are. Being in the moment allows you to be fully present when you spend time with the people you love. Our mood is also affected by how we feel physically. Ever try to be friendly when you have a stomach ache? Asana helps to keep our muscles, joints, and fascia strong and flexible. The practice of asana also helps reduce blood pressure, stimulate the immune and glandular systems, reduce insomnia, and heal the body in innumerable other ways. The simple practices of asana (yoga postures), pranayama (breathing), and drishti (focusing) lead the yoga practitioner to not only a state of optimal physical health, but to a state of peace. These practices help to connect you to the present moment, to others and to your true self.Yoga Calms the Mind and Body. Yoga helps in improving health instantly by: Increasing flexibility Increasing lubrication of the joints, ligaments and tendons Massaging of all organs of the body Complete detoxification Excellent toning of the muscles   Calming the Mind and Body Coplex  _______________________________________________________________________________ RELEVANCE OF YOGA IN TODAY'S WORLD:Views of 6 eminent Yoga Teachers:      Georg Feuerstein, Yoga Research and Education Center I believe that the looming ecological crisis combined with increasing terrorism will change the face of the Earth in the decades to come. With its rapacious consumerism and all its wealth, the crisis will hugely affect North America. Yoga must be made more relevant to this issue, which involves the practice of yoga as a spiritually based and ecologically sensitive lifestyle. Helen Goldstein, The Yoga Studio, Toronto The most crucial issue to me is the commercialization of yoga and the lack of teacher training. I have a great deal of concern about these quick "become a teacher in a weekend" courses that do not give proper training in philosophy, anatomy and ethics. People who haven't practiced yoga are becoming teachers. They don't have yoga in their bodies. There is also a trend towards competition and aerobics and "look at me" that creates judgement and hierarchy. In the future I'd like to see yoga made more accessible to seniors and those with special challenges, and more yoga for children, teens, and pre- and post-natal women. Let's take away the show-off stuff and add pranayama and meditation as a regular part of this practice. Tawanna Kane, The Lineage Project Practice is such a gift, one that I wish everyone could experience, regardless of their physical challenge, race, or socio-economic status. I have always been deeply saddened and even disturbed by the lack of diversity in the Western yogic world. Studios, ashrams, and sanghas in the West seem to increasingly reflect a small, homogeneous portion of the population in their communities. When I practice, I am one of few people of color. I am sure that this vision is so disparate from what grandfathers of the practice intended. I fear that if things continue in this manner that sadhana practice will become an elitist "leisure activity" for those that can afford to take part. Accessibility goes beyond economics. Yes, we must find a way to allocate a percentage of student space to those that cannot afford the full rate. But, in this same spirit, we must question our outreach strategies, our staff's openness to beginners, and the diversity within the teaching population at our centers. Donna Fornelli, President, Canadian Iyengar Yoga Teachers Association People need to understand what yoga is and what it is not. There is a lack of public information about what it takes to become a properly trained yoga teacher. The word "yoga" is incorporated as a marketing tool to promote other forms of activity. Some fitness corporations certify "yoga" instructors along with their fitness instructors after a very short training period. There also seems to be a trend in becoming certified in several styles of yoga so that a teacher becomes more marketable. Each person must find the style of yoga that suits them and then stick with it. Immersing yourself in a particular style of yoga is a life long commitment. Chip Hartranft, Arlington Center & author, The Yoga-Sutra of Patanjali: A New Translation with Commentary (Shambhala 2003) We need more of the insight that cuts through contemporary fashion or philosophy. In wisdom we come to see yoga not as a scheme to improve or empower ourselves, but as a coming to freedom through seeing things as they are. In every age there has been a tension in the yoga world between narcissism and transcendence, a tension that is perhaps more visible today now that we have yoga magazines! As yoga becomes more mainstream, the institutions of the mainstream - capitalism, for instance - have altered the way yoga is taught and practiced. It is important to remember that the goals of yoga are ultimately incompatible with capitalism, consumerism, or any other -ism built on desire and fear, because yoga exists to bring about freedom from desire and fear. Celeste Mallett, Salt Spring Centre of Yoga The most crucial issue facing the future of yoga in my opinion is the commercialization and glamorization of the practice (and the teachers themselves!). I fear that in an attempt to popularize and Americanize a "precious jewel," yoga has become just another commodity. I am concerned about the elitism of yoga retreats in exotic places at exorbitant prices, with famous and equally exotic teachers, wearing even more exotic apparel. I think the future of yoga rests in the capable hands of the thousands of "small town" teachers who are daily practicing the art of chop wood / carry water. Ordinary people, engaged in ordinary tasks, doing the best to help others become mindful along the path. Sharon Gannon, Jivamukti Yoga Center, New York City The most crucial issue facing the future of yoga in North America is the courage of its practitioners to embrace the ethical and spiritual practices of yoga. I would like to see more Yoga teachers teaching Ahimsa as the first step toward enlightenment. The concept of Ahimsa means non-harming others. A yoga teacher needs to help his or her students understand what 'others' mean and how one would cause harm and how one then could practice causing the least amount of harm. Teaching about the link between yoga and ethical vegetarianism could be a first step; next could be to teach students that working to help the environment is very yogic, and last, but not least, teachers could encourage students to be politically active. Rhonda Fogel, Wandering Yogi Studio, Vancouver Many yoga teachers have gotten their certification in a week or so after maybe a few months of practice, and they want to make it a profession instead of a lifestyle expression. There are so many folks trying to jump on the yoga ride that combinations and variations of everything and anything are taking over. It's "cool" to be a yoga teacher these days. However few walk the path that they are teaching others about. But I have great hope for the future of yoga in the West. The more people that try yoga, the greater the chance for people to continue. At our studio, people are asking more meaningful questions and are filling up the meditation courses. We are also getting a surge in interest for more devotional practices like chanting and kirtan. INTERNATIONAL YOGA MASTER ARUN  WITH HIS KOREAN YOGAMASTER "Kim" ,during his vist to korea

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                Master ARUN'S

               CANADA  Visit in 2005,September

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Yoga: The Science of the Soul Yoga is not a religion-yoga is pure science just like mathematics, physics, or chemistry What survives of yoga today are mostly the physical exercises that have helped people to achieve a more relaxed and balanced state in their lives. Postures did not come first; rather, people began to notice that whenever they were in a state of meditation, the body naturally took on certain postures.

Because body and mind are so intimately connected, it is possible to bring a certain peace to the mind by arranging the body in a posture that corresponds to this peace. But it's a misunderstanding to think that it's the cart that pulls the horse.  It is to be made clear that yoga is not only a set of physical exercises but what he calls a "science of the soul"
One should always be aware of  the intricate and powerful relationship that exists between body and mind.

NOW THE DISCIPLINE OF YOGA.
YOGA IS THE CESSATION OF MIND.

THEN THE WITNESS IS ESTABLISHED IN ITSELF.
IN THE OTHER STATES THERE IS IDENTIFICATION WITH THE MODIFICATIONS OF THE MIND.

We live in a deep illusion - the illusion of hope, of future, of tomorrow. As man is, man cannot exist without self-deceptions. Nietzsche says somewhere that man cannot live with the true: he needs dreams, he needs illusions, he needs lies to exist. And Nietzsche is true. As man is he cannot exist with the truth. This has to be understood very deeply because without understanding it, there can be no entry into the inquiry which is called yoga.

The mind has to be understood deeply - the mind which needs lies, the mind which needs illusions, the mind which cannot exist with the real, the mind which needs dreams. You are not dreaming only in the night. Even while awake, you are dreaming continuously. You may be looking at me, you may be listening to me, but a dream current goes on within you. Continuously, the mind is creating dreams, images, fantasies.

Now scientists say that a man can live without sleep, but he cannot live without dreams. In old days it was understood that sleep is a necessity, but now modern research says sleep is not really a necessity. Sleep is needed only so that you can dream. Dream is the necessity. If you are not allowed to dream and allowed to sleep, you will not feel in the morning fresh, alive. You will feel tired, as if you have not been able to sleep at all.

In the night there are periods - periods for deep sleep and periods for dreaming. There is a rhythm - just like day and night, there is a rhythm. In the beginning you fall into deep sleep for nearabout forty, forty-five minutes. Then the dream phase comes in, then you dream. Then again dreamless sleep, then again dreaming. The whole night this goes on. If your sleep is disturbed while you are deeply asleep without dreaming, in the morning you will not feel that you have missed anything. But while you are dreaming, if your dream is disturbed then in the morning you will feel completely tired and exhausted.

Now this can be known from the outside. If someone is sleeping you can judge whether he is dreaming or asleep. If he is dreaming, his eyes will be moving continuously - as if he is seeing something with closed eyes. When he is fast asleep, eyes will not move; they will remain steady. So while your eyes are moving, if your sleep is disturbed in the morning you will feel tired. While your eyes are not moving, sleep can be disturbed, in the morning you will not feel anything missing.

Many researchers have proved that human mind feeds on dreams, dream is a necessity, and dream is total autodeception. And this is not only so in the night: while awake also the same pattern follows; even in the day you can notice. Sometimes there will be dream floating in the mind, sometimes there will be no dreams.
When there are dreams you will be doing something, but you will be absent. Inside you are occupied.

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Osho: on Death

Death cannot be the enemy,
because it is part of existence.
Existence has given birth to you.

Existence is mothering you.

And when you die,
you simply go back to your original source,
to rest and to be born again.

There is no need to be afraid.

YOU will not die,
you will only disappear
like a snowflake
in the pure air.

Your form will disappear
into formlessness,
the river will disappear
into the ocean,
but it will not cease to exist.
It will even become wider,
vaster,
it becomes oceanic.

OSHO

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YOGA NEWS                  For all of us who have discovered the obvious benefits of yoga practice in daily life also know that maintaining practice while away from home has double the benefit. Stress relief, pain relief and balance will improve any travel experience so, this is great news. And for all the moms (and dads) who share yoga practice with their children, the family vacation scene looks brighter. According to an official press release Hyatt has partnered with an expert to provide the yoga option for guests.

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In search of a New Global Order and Oneness Principle:

Thirty years ago the historian Arnold Toynbee and Daisaku Ikeda, head of the Japanese Buddhist Soka Gokkai International, discussed at length various pertinent issues, trying to discern the future direction that our world must take if it is to survive these "times of the end".

Toynbee remarks, "...The question of mankind's future religion arises because all the current religions have proved unsatisfactory... A future religion that is to bring into being, and to keep in being, a new civilisation will have to be one that will enable mankind to contend with, and to overcome, the evils that are serious present threats to human survival."

Echoing similar views Ikeda said: "... The religion that we need must inspire mankind's scientific and philosophical spirits and must be able to meet the needs of a new age. It must be a religion that can go beyond the differences between East and West and, binding all mankind into a unified body, save the Occident from its present crisis and the Orient from its current hardships. Discovering this kind of religion is the greatest task before mankind today".

OM Santih, Santih, Santih!

 YOGA is NOT JOKE:

                                   Without love, without humor,
                                                                yoga is just a lot of hard work.
                                                                                                                                            -   Steve Ross

• A group of bats, hanging from the ceiling of a cave, discover a single bat STANDING upright below them on the floor of the cave. Surprised by this unusual behavior, they ask, "What's wrong with you? What are you doing down there?" The standing bat answers, "Yoga!" 

• Two men meet on the street.
  One asks the other: "Hi, how are you?"
  The other one replies: "I'm fine, thanks."
  "And how's your son? Is he still unemployed?"
  "Yes, he is. But he is meditating now."
  "Meditating? What's that?"
  "I don't know. But it's better than sitting around and doing nothing!"

• When asked what gift he wanted for his birthday, the yogi replied "I wish no gifts, only presence"

• Q: What do Yoga meditation and an apple peeler have in common? 
  A: They both take you to the core.

• Graffiti on a wall: God is dead! (Signed Friedrich Nietzsche) 
  Graffiti below that: Friedrich Nietzsche is dead! (Signed God) 

• The enlightened ones have no boundaries, but respect those of others

• If you believe in telekinesis, please raise my hand. 

• Q: Why couldn't the Yogi vacuum his carpet? 
  A: He had lost his attachments.

• A temple for atheists is a non-prophet organization.

• Q. What did the advertisement of the Yoga teacher searching for new students say? 
  A. "Inquire within"

• What did the Yogi say when he walked into the Pizza Parlor?
  
  "Make me one with everything."
  
  When the Yogi got the pizza, he gave the proprietor a $20 bill. The proprietor pocketed the bill. The Yogi said "Don't I get change?"
  
  The proprietor said, "Change must come from within.”

• Lily Tomlin: "Why is it when we talk to God, we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us, we're schizophrenic?"

• Three Yogis are doing meditative in a remote cave. One day a sound is heard from outside the cave. After about six months, one of the yogis says, "Did you hear that goat?" Once again, there was silence. About a year later, one of the other Yogis says, "That wasn't a goat; it was a mule." Again, there was silence. About two years later the third yogi says, "If you two don't stop arguing, I'm leaving."

• Q. What did the yogi tell the door-to-door salesperson who came to his home selling vacuum cleaners? 
  A. Too many attachments! 

• Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.

• One of the biggest, most sad, and least funny Yoga jokes of all: 
  Yoga is a physical fitness program.

• Q. Why did the yogi refuse anesthesia when having his wisdom teeth removed?
  A. He wanted to transcend-dental-medication!

• A young woman who was worried about her habit of biting her fingernails down to the quick was advised by a friend to take up yoga. She did, and soon her fingernails were growing normally. Her friend asked her if yoga had totally cured her nervousness. "No," she replied, "but now I can reach my toe-nails so I bite them instead." --author unknown

• Four monks were meditating in a monastery. All of a sudden the prayer flag on the roof started flapping. The younger monk came out of his meditation and said: "Flag is flapping"
  A more experienced monk said: "Wind is flapping"
  A third monk who had been there for more than 20 years said: "Mind is flapping."
  The fourth monk who was the eldest said, visibly annoyed: "Mouths are flapping!"

• An aspiring Yogi wanted to find a Guru. He went to an Ashram and his preceptor told him: You can stay here but we have one important rule - all students observe Mouna or vow of silence. You will be allowed to speak in 12 years. After practicing for 12 long years Yoga Asanas, Meditation, a lot of Karma Yoga, etc., the day came when the student could say his one thing or ask his one question.
  He said: "The bed is too hard."
  He kept going for another 12 years of hard Sadhana and austere discipline and got the opportunity to speak again. He said: "The food is not good."
  Twelve more years of hard work and he got to speak again. Here are his words after 36 years of practice: "I quit."
  His Guru quickly answered: "Good, all you have been doing anyway is complaining."

• But who is this Mulla Nasrudin? Replies, Osho, "Born in Iran, Nasrudin is a Sufi mystic, a little crazy, but always tremendously wise.

  "To be Mulla Nasrudin means two things: Be foolish in your wisdom and be wise in your foolishness. It is a very great contradiction. Be wise in your foolishness and be foolish in your wisdom. You should be aware of the fact that Mulla Nasrudin is a Sufi device. It is to make you clear that life is wise in its foolishness. And when you try to be wise you become a fool. The greatest wise people are like fools. And the greatest foolish people are those who pretend that they are wise. If you have to choose, choose the fool and you will become wise. Don't choose to pretend wisdom, otherwise you will become a fool."

• A psychiatrist once asked his patient, Mulla Nasrudin, if the latter suffered from fantasies of self-importance. "NO," replied the Mulla, "ON THE CONTRARY, I THINK OF MYSELF AS MUCH LESS THAN I REALLY AM."

• Mulla Nasrudin and his wife went to visit a church that had over the portal the inscription: "This is the house of God -- This is the gate of Heaven."
  Nasrudin glanced at these words, tried the door and found it locked, turned to his wife and said: "IN OTHER WORDS GO TO HELL

• Question: How many Iyengar yogis does it take to replace a light bulb?
  Answer: Only one - but he will need a sticky mat, a backless chair,
  five blankets, a bolster, six ropes, two belts, six assorted benches,
  three weights, and a certificat

• Man to God : "O Lord, I want peace".
  God to Man : "When you remove yourself of 'I' and the 'want' you will automatically have peac

• A priest and bus driver lived together and one day thay also together died.
  They go to st. Peter stending before heaven gate. He allows the bus driver to go to one of the highest heavens but the priest has to wait.
  He waits for long time and finaly goes to st. Peter and asks: "Why could that bus driver go to the highest heaven and I, who all my life spoke about God, have to wait for such a long time?"
  St. Peter said: "When you were speaking to the people at your church everybody was sleeping, but when that bus driver was driving everybody prayed!"

• What makes God laugh?
  When a doctor tells his patient: "I cured you"

• How to you make God laugh?
  Tell him your plans.

• OCEANIC? Osho's JOKES

• Mulla Nasrudin's family was upset because the girl he was planning to marry was an atheist. "We'll not have you marrying an atheist," his mother said. "What can I do? I love her," the young Nasrudin said. "Well," said his mother, "if she loves you, she will do anything you ask. You should talk religion to her. If you are persistent, you can win her over." Several weeks went by, then one morning at breakfast the young Mulla seemed absolutely brokenhearted. "What's the matter?" his mother asked. "I thought you were making such good progress in your talks about religion to your young girlfriend." "THAT'S THE TROUBLE," said Nasrudin. I OVER DID IT. LAST NIGHT SHE TOLD ME SHE WAS SO CONVINCED THAT SHE IS GOING TO STUDY TO BE A NUN. A potato and a carrot are hitch-hiking at the side of the road when a cyclist comes around the corner and runs down the potato. The next day the carrot goes to visit his friend in the hospital. The potato does not look too good. “Tell me, doc,” says the carrot anxiously, “do you think my friend will be okay?” “He may recover,” replies the doctor, “but frankly, for the rest of his life he will be a vegetable.” Ruthie Finkelstein is lying on her deathbed. "Moishe," she murmurs to her husband sitting beside the bed, "I must make a confession before I go. The fact is, I have been unfaithful to you." "I know," says Moishe quietly. "I don't think you understand," pleads Ruthie. "What I mean is that I have been with another man." "Yes, I know that," Moishe murmurs. "Not just once," continues Ruthie, "but lots of times – in his office, in his house..." "Yes, I know that dear," says Moishe soothingly. "Even in this house, in this very bed!" cries Ruthie. "Yes, I know," whispers Moishe. "That's why I put rat poison in your tea."

  
  Kidding Justified:

• Before you go into your meditations, it is perfectly good to go in a happy mood; not serious, but smiling. Remember it: Existence smiles when you smile, and when you are serious, you are alone. Existence does not bother about your seriousness. If you want the whole world with you, just smile and look all around and you will see trees smiling, and the flowers smiling. And at least when you are entering into meditation, it is good to enter with a smiling heart.

  I have used jokes for the first time in the whole history of mankind, because such beautiful jokes...and nobody has used them for meditation! And they create such a good feeling all around, that one becomes courageous enough. A laughing heart is more courageous than a serious one. A serious heart doubts, hesitates, thinks twice. The laughing one is the heart of the gambler; he simply jumps in. And meditation is a question of jumping into the unknown. – Osho ********************************************************************